On Tuesday’s (December 27th) episode of Emily Ratajkowski‘s podcast High Low with EmRata, Bella Thorne recalled a disturbing experience she had with a director when she was a child.

The Shake It Up actress said she didn’t get a part once because the director “felt like she was flirting with him” when she was only 10 years old. In response to this, Thorne told Ratajkowski, “What the f— are you talking about, man? I don't give a f— what I said. I don't care if I said, 'Eat my p—y right now' — she is 10 years old! Why ever would you think that? Why?”

Thorne added that she revisits this moment “every day.” She continued, “I'm trying to find, almost, fault in myself. Like, 'What did you do, Bella? What did you do that made him feel like this?' And every time I'm like, 'Bella, stop it. Even that thought right there is becoming part of the problem. Don't even think that thought.' It does drive me crazy.”