Former Disney star Bella Thorne is sharing a candid poem from her book, The Life of a Wannabe Mogul, in which she discusses the insecurities she grapples with due to a horrific childhood. 

She posted the poem along with a topless photo. Questioning what is “wrong” with her and why she always needs “Validation from everyone but mostly men,” she says she’s too afraid to be single because “all I want is him. I want him to hold me, I want him to love me, I want him to tell me it’s ok, I want him to look me in the eyes and let me know I’m accepted. Why? Because I can’t accept myself.”

She continues: “And if it’s not him I just look for the ‘next’ him, or her. Why can’t I just look for the next me? Find me and accept me. Was it because I was molested my whole life. Exposed to sex at such a young age it’s all I know how to offer to the world…or is it because I was raised to think I wasn’t good enough. Not good enough for her or anything else. But it doesn’t matter what happened to me.. What matters is whats happening to me right now.”

Thorne also lays her future happiness at her own feet, and takes the blame for her previous struggles herself: “All I can do is blame me. I blame me for not loving myself. I blame me for not thinking I’m attractive, I blame me for putting this on everyone around me. Expecting people to love me enough for me to love myself. But at the end of the day that will never happen. Because the only way to get to your end goal is to work through it. Not around or above or try and find a cheat code so you don’t have to hurt as much.”

Her followers responded warmly, applauding her “honesty” and “truth,” and saying “I relate to this so much … you’re [sic] life sounds a lot like mine except you’re successful in so many other ways that you really should love yourself.