Long Shot star Charlize Theron, 43, covers Marie Claire’s June issue and inside, she shares insights into her wild past and calm present.

Theron, who grew up in South Africa with an abusive father, has been open in the past about her troubled childhood. 

“I didn’t discover therapy until my mid-30s,” the mother of two adopted children told Marie Claire. “My reasons for going had a lot to do with South Africa and uncertainty and living with an alcoholic every day in my life. What I discovered was that my life was an all-encompassing thing. It showed me that I can see the big picture and understand the reason to get to a place where I could create a life for my own kids.”

In addition to helping with her personal life, it helped her work. She says she was able to channel her obsessive nature into her roles in Mad Max, Monster and Atomic Blonde. 

“Obsessing is good for me. I’m very focused on the stuff that I really care about, but I do struggle with a bit of OCD,” Theron said. “So I have to organize things that I can see: closets, drawers. That has to do with when I feel that things I can’t see are out of control.”

Theron also says she’s happy to be exactly where she is, and would never return to her youth. 

“My 20s were really about getting a lot of stuff out of my system—wanting to experience the world, do drugs, travel to Turkey for four months with a backpack,” she said, “and I did all that, so by the time I had kids, I was really ready.”

She continued: “I’m in bed at 7:45 every night now, and I love it because I’ve lived. You don’t want to be 80 and on your death bed and wonder what might have happened. If I die tomorrow, I’m at peace with who I am in my life.”