Chrissy Teigen is processing her immense grief at losing her pregnancy in September, and is embracing her body, remaining bump and all.

The 35-year-old shared on Instagram: “This is me and my body, just yesterday. Even though I’m no longer pregnant, every glance in the mirror reminds me of what could have been. And I have no idea why i still have this bump, honestly. It’s frustrating.”

Still, she’s proud of her body, and acknowledges she will never be pregnant again: “But I’m proud of where this entire journey took my body and mind in other ways. I love being pregnant, so so much, and I’m sad I never will be again. But I am lucky to have two amazing little ones who are transforming into big little people more and more every single day.”

Teigen and John Legend, who share Luna and Miles, have been open about their grief, getting both praise and criticism in the process.