Dean McDermott opened up to The Daily Mail in an interview published Wednesday (November 15th) about the night he posted and later deleted an announcement about his separation from Tori Spelling on Instagram. McDermott told the outlet that the couple’s financial troubles as well as his struggles with substance abuse were the root causes of their issues.

Revealing that he was “drunk and angry,” before announcing the split, the Chopped Canada host said he saw “the light, the final flicker of the flame go out in her eyes” after he “raged against her and the children.”

“I posted that because I was at the end of my rope,” McDermott explained. “I didn't know what to do. I had burned everything down yet again.”

The Due South actor also revealed that he tried to end his life that night. “That night, I was drinking and I was into my pills. After I sent the post, I took some more pills, and I took six or seven Ambien in the hopes that I would not wake up,” McDermott said. Thankfully, he did wake up, he said, “because I would've ruined so many lives if I had died.”