Hilaria Baldwin and Alec Baldwin have long been open about the four children they share together, dropping tidbits that are good, bad and ugly during pregnancy and after. 

The latest Instagram revelation Hilaria has shared is of a (presumed) lost fifth pregnancy. 

She wrote: “I want to share with you that I am most likely experiencing a miscarriage. I always promised myself that if I were to get pregnant again, I would share the news with you guys pretty early, even if that means suffering a public loss. I have always been so open with you all about my family, fitness, pregnancies…and I don’t want to keep this from you, just because it isn’t as positive and shiny as the rest. I think it’s important to show the truth…because my job is to help people by being real and open.”

Hilaria is sharing her story to help other women in the same shoes deal with their loss and feel more comfortable discussing it with others, she wrote. 

“I want to be a part of the effort to normalize miscarriage and remove the stigma from it. There is so much secrecy during the first trimester. This works for some, but I personally find it to be exhausting,” Baldwin explained. “I’m nauseous, tired, my body is changing. And I have to pretend that everything is just fine—and it truly isn’t. I don’t want to have to pretend anymore. I hope you understand.”

She continued, sharing that the embryo still has a heartbeat, but isn’t growing. Hilaria added, “I am so blessed with my amazing doctor, my dear friends, and my loving family…My husband and my four very healthy babies help me keep it together and have the perspective of how truly beautiful life is, even when it occasionally seems ugly. The luck and gratitude I feel that I am my babies’ mommy, is wonderfully overwhelming and comforting.”

She also asked commenters to be kind, and for the most part, they were, sharing their own stories of loss and often, just sympathy. She and Alec welcomed their youngest child 10 months ago.