In an interview with Apple Music, Jennifer Lopez opened up about the aftermath of her breakup with Ben Affleck in the early 2000s—and how unbelievable it is that they’re back together again now.

“It was so painful after we broke up. Once we called off that wedding 20 years ago, it was the biggest heartbreak of my life. And I honestly felt like I was gonna die,” she told the outlet.

Lopez continued, “It sent me on a spiral for the next 18 years where I … couldn't get it right. But now, 20 years later, it does have a happy ending. It has the most, would-never-happen-in-Hollywood ending.”

“They would be like 'that would never happen so we're not gonna write that because nobody would believe it' ending,” she added.