Five months after announcing their split, Kristin Cavallari is opening up about her decision to divorce Jay Cutler. The pair, for many years, appeared to be blissfully happy, especially on their show Very Cavallari, and just weeks before their announced split, they were posting happy pictures on social media.

Cavallari tells People that in reality, they struggled for years. The 33-year-old says: “I always thought it was interesting when people would refer to us as 'couple goals.’ I was like, 'If you guys only knew.'”

As their marriage hit a crisis point during filming last season, “we definitely kept a lot of stuff private,” she adds. “Producers saw stuff, but they didn't put it in the show — which is good, because I don't want my kids to ever see that.”

She adds that the issues “didn't happen overnight. We tried really, really hard for years and years. It was the hardest decision I've ever made.”

Now, the pair, who share sons Camden, 8, and Jaxon, 6, and daughter Saylor, 4 have settled into a solid co-parenting routine, she says.

“I still care so much about him and talk to him almost every day,” she says. “We have three kids together. He's going to be in my life forever.”

The show they were on together was canceled, and Cavallari believes it’s for the best for all. “My kids are the most important thing to me. What's best for them?” she continues. “Probably not doing a reality show, having to talk about divorcing their dad.”