Nick Cannon shared a heartbreaking tribute to Instagram on Monday (December 5th), honoring his and Alyssa Scott‘s son Zen, who passed away a year ago when he was just five months old due to brain cancer.

“Physically I’m definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken. Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all,” Cannon wrote in his post, alongside photos of Zen. “I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred.”

The Wild ‘N Out star opened up about the unbearable experience of losing a child. “Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily,” he wrote.

Cannon ended the post with, “Continue to Peacefully Rest My Son, Zen Scott Cannon. We Love you Eternally.”