Motherhood has brought an unexpected array of joys and sorrows to Nikki Bella. The former wrestling pros got real about how her perception of her body has changed since welcoming Matteo in July. She told Us Weekly: “I don’t feel sexy at all. Like, I don’t feel beautiful. … It’s so hard to, like, look at yourself in the mirror and just feel disappointed. It’s been, like, a huge struggle on me because even when I would fluctuate in weight, I was still toned and working out and felt good in that way. This was just something different.”

The 36-year-old Total Bellas star said that it was “really hard” comparing herself to fiancé Artem Chigvintsev, who is in top form to compete on season 29 of ABC‘s Dancing With the Stars.

“Artem’s dancing and getting more and more ripped,” the E! personality explained. “I’ll see him naked and he’ll be like, ‘Oh, I think I’m losing too much weight.’ And I’m like, ‘Oh, that sucks for you. Like you sneeze and you have abs."”

Still, she says her 38-year-old Russian dancer partner helps her “feel beautiful.” But she also revealed that they will go into therapy following his DWTS season.

Nikki explained, “Today I got the most passionate kiss before he left to rehearsals, and he’s good doing things for me that make me feel still good about myself and sexy.”

But, she adds: “I would be lying to say, ‘Oh, it’s great.’ It has definitely been a struggle for us. It’s hard. We have so many ups and downs. It’s been so difficult on our relationship because I need so much from him, but he’s, like, torn between his job that requires so much from him and then us at home.”

Meanwhile, her twin Brie, who welcomed her second child with Daniel Bryan around the same time, is pushing Nikka to love her postpartum body. She told Us: “I think social media now makes us all feel that we have to be real thin, we have to be ripped, and it just kind of messes with your head.”