A poll finds our top resolutions for 2026 include losing weight and being happy. Which are both unoriginal AND impossible. We say aim lower and pick something from today’s list of the . . . Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions Anyone Can Maintain.
Reconnect with old friends . . . who put out.
Eat healthier . . . portions of ice cream.
Reduce workplace stress . . . by quitting your job to live the #VanLife.
Save money . . . on meth. By making your own.
Exercise . . . your right to sunbathe in the nude. After all, it’s YOUR front yard.
Cut down on alcohol . . . you use on cuts and scratches. It leaves you more to drink!
Spend more time with your kid’s . . . teacher. She’s hot!
Be happier . . . your employer doesn’t drug test.